Be Interested to be Interesting - Listening Your Way to Success

One of the things that I value about my current company is that it values people so much so that it has a training program for managers geared towards developing them to become better people managers. What resonated with me the most today is the phrase "be interested to be interesting".

I have always found myself to be in the mood to solve problems so much so that when people come to me about a certain concern - my brain starts thinking about giving this person some advice on how to solve the problem as soon as possible thinking that it is after all what he came to me for - right? I realized today that may not be the best approach after all.

I learned that the best first approach is really to listen - and not just listen by saying "aha", "ok" or simply not talking. Listening is being fully engaged at that moment in hearing and understanding the other person fully. The first goal is to be truly able to paraphrase or summarize what the other person is saying as a statement without your own judgment or thoughts mixed into it.

Some tips I learned:

a. Have the word "you" in the first few words to indicate that what you are saying is not your thought but your speaker's thoughts and you are simply reflecting on what he said to ensure your speaker got his message to you right. Examples can be "From what I understand, YOU..." or "You are saying..."

b.Paraphrase - don't parrot. Don't simply repeat what the other person is saying but say it in your own words

c.Acknowledge the feelings, not just the content. An example would be "From what I understand, you are upset with your situation". You are not saying it is right or wrong to be upset but simply acknowledging what the other person feels.

d. Don't use it all the time. Assess whether reflective listening is the right approach for what you are trying to achieve, which may be providing the other person some room to process his own situation more clearly or allowing the other person to think himself through a solution. There are moments when a more direct approach might be required. Use your own judgment and sense of intent and appropriateness when practicing.